Happy April Fools Day From The Canadian Government

April 1st marked April Fools Day, and the government is the only one laughing.  Everyday I turn on the news and something is going up.  Last week it was BC Ferries, which already pride themselves with having obscene fares at almost $150 to take your car to the island and then another $150 to get off the damn thing.  Then this week it was BC Hydro who will be adding 9% to your bill as of April1st, and 28% in increases over the next 5 years.  We have had two tobacco tax increases in the last month, gas prices are on the rise at $1.48 a litre, and now due to droughts and climate change food prices will be at an all time high in 2014.  Everything is going up, except our wages.... what gives?

The world is fucked and well I know how to fix it!

English: Stephen Harper, Canadian Prime Minister (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First, BC Ferries, save us all alot of time and money and build a bridge to the island.  Your service rates are lower then ever and so do you really think by increasing fares people will suddenly want to use your ferry?  Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that your captain of the Queen of the North was fornicating with one of his deck hands and sank the damn thing?  Maybe we do not trust your company to get us where we need to go safely?  Should we really have to give you more of our hard earned dollars to be herded like sheep onto a big boat that takes 2 hours to get where it is going while leaving a huge environmental footprint while doing so?

Second, BC Hydro... seriously?  You state that you have to increase service charges because of old and failing infrastructure.  Did it not occur to you that at some point in time hydro infrastructure might need to be upgraded or replaced?  I mean what goes up must come down?  What is new will get old?  What works now will break eventually, any of this ringing a bell?  Have you not sucked enough of our money to replace every pole and wire in BC a few times over?  Or are you funnelling or hard earned dollars to pay for lavish vacations and bottles of Moet for all your CEOs and executives.  Am I not giving you enough money now?  Better yet, all the service fees and taxes and add ons to my bill, is that not going to upgrade your infrastructure as you claimed.  Were you born yesterday... do you think I was?  Why didn't you take the billions of dollars that you wasted on the smart meter upgrade and put it towards solar power so that we do not rely so heavily on electricity seeing as it is so expensive to produce now?  Is that not the job of over 45 of your highest paid employees to think and plan for the future and invest and research alternative energy and ways for the future?  Oops I thought it was, boy is my face red.

The same goes for oil and gas.  Sure Stephen Harper raise my gas tax a little more so that the almighty USA can maintain its lower gas rates.  It makes TOTAL sense that as a Canadian I pay more for Canadian gas then my friends down south do, I mean we owe it to America right?  Instead of investing our oil and gas money into alternative energy sources, just keep throwing it all down south, build more pipelines and pollute our world a little more, again TOTAL sense.  Like you said, there is no way we can use all that oil and gas for ourselves, I mean we are only going to be on this planet for another 14 trillion years possibly.

And finally, Stephen Harper I am so glad you raised the tobacco taxes, and our gauging me for slowly killing myself, these money problems of mine are not stressing me out the least so please by all means charge me more and I promise I will smoke less, that's how it works right.  I mean you are doing it for my own good, and the good of our amazing health care system.  You want to help me quit right?  No you don't you jackass, you want to take my money to pay for your bonuses, and overly abundant pensions.  Instead of offering smokers help quitting with incentives or a free pack of gum, you sell their souls to balance your budget.  Not a penny of tobacco taxes goes into our health care system, because if it did my friends mom would not be in the "ICU" in the  line up of the Tim Hortons at the local hospital.  Do smokers really impinge on the health care system like many of us are led to believe?  I say show me the money.  No in fact the obese and distracted drivers  dilute our health care system far more then smokers, yet there is no sign in front of McDonald's that says all obese people please stay back 10 meters from any window or doorway.  If we are going to tax our smokers out the wazoo then should we not tax our fat people too?  I mean if anything the smokers are helping the health care system as they die young and do not require any assistance... because they are dead.  If anything they are the smart ones cause they want to get off of this planet quicker because they know that with the way things are going now, they wont be able to afford to live until they are 90 years old, a loaf of bread will be $45 dollars by then.  Save it Harper.  You are not fooling me!

So there you have it folks, the world is fucked but I know how to fix it!

-Barb